I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
