never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
