a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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