So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
