look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
