she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
