Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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