Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
