Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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