Im at strip club and am horny
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
