it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
