I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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