Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
