I CAN MOONWALK!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
