Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
