Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
