Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
