The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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