Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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