awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He shit in the fireplace
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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