Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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