I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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