I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Still dying that you shit outside
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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