guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
