when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i think my cat just said my name.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
