i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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