Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
