we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
