If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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