if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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