He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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