He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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