theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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