The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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