he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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