You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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