i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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