my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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