Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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