apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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