if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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