he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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