What did we do last night that was yellow?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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