so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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