Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
