Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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