Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
