Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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