the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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