I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
