How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
