College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
