3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
