Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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