Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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