I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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