neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
