Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
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What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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