I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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