pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know her cup size but not her name....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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