i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
