i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
