but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
