Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fuck appropriateness.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize