Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
