I feel great
I just peed on a car
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
