oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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